Did You Take Your Medicine?

I was just about to move to the next section of the training agenda when I heard a mom belt out this question across the room filled with 7th and 8th grade girls and boys. The question was directed at her son who immediately stopped to give her the look, but unfortunately, it was also heard by everyone else. In fact, you could hear a pin drop as students swung their heads back and forth between the son and the mother. While taking medicine no longer has the stigma to it that perhaps it once did, the question's timing and placement still rated high on the cringe factor for the son. It was only after a few beats that the mother realized she actually said that question out loud and then turned and apologized for her son's behavior.

I actually hadn't noticed a thing wrong with her son's behavior other than he was acting like an athletic 7th grade boy who was being asked to sit still for 2 hours on a summer day. He didn't sit still, leg was moving, he was blurting out answers, talking to those around him and smiling. I actually thought his behavior was great because he was engaged. It's so nice to experience any human in today's world that is there with you, not depressed, turned off or tuned into a screen. I reassured the mom that all was fine and his behavior was totally expected from a boy. I say that with a modicum of fear that a backlash is heading my way from all the gentle parenters and the no-difference-between-gender people, but it's enough of all of this nonsense. Boys are not girls and vice-versa. This fact becomes especially clear and pronounced during the strange and wonderful middle school years.

Middle school is a strange, turbulent bridge between childhood and young adulthood. It is a time when hormones surge, voices crack, and the opinions of peers suddenly outweigh almost everything else. For a boy in this phase, his reputation is his currency. It is fragile, constantly under negotiation, and deeply tied to his developing sense of masculinity.

As parents, particularly mothers, our instinct is often to nurture, correct, or simply interact with our sons the way we always have. We might tease them about a messy haircut, wipe a smudge off their cheek, or call them by a childhood nickname across a crowded room. At age eight, this might garner an eye roll. At age thirteen—especially if girls are present—it can feel like a social death sentence.

Understanding why public embarrassment is so destructive during these years is crucial for raising strong, confident men. It isn't just about avoiding an awkward moment; it's about respecting the man he is becoming.

The High Stakes of the "Girl Factor"

The presence of girls changes the chemistry of any room for a middle school boy-especially if you're a 7th grader in the presence of 8th grade girls. He is suddenly hyper-aware of his posture, his clothes, and how much authority he commands over his own life. He is trying to project competence and independence.

When a parent intervenes in a way that highlights his dependence—by correcting him loudly, babying him, or sharing an embarrassing story—it undercuts that projection. It signals to everyone watching, including the girls he might be trying to impress, that he is still a child under mommy's control.

This doesn't just annoy him; it shames him. Shame is different from guilt. Guilt says, "I did something wrong." Shame says, "I am wrong." Public embarrassment triggers shame because it attacks his identity. It tells him he isn't capable, he isn't respected, and he isn't a man yet. Repeated instances of this can cause a boy to withdraw, become secretive, or lash out in anger to reclaim a sense of power.

Are You Shaming Him Without Realizing It?

Many mothers are shocked to learn their affectionate or corrective behaviors are perceived as shaming. You might think you are just being a "fun mom" or keeping him humble. However, intent does not equal impact.

Here are a few signs you might be inadvertently shaming your son:

• The "Cute" Defense If he asks you to stop doing something and you reply, "Oh, lighten up, it's cute!" or "I'm your mother, I can do what I want," you are dismissing his boundaries.

• Performance Correction Correcting his behavior in front of an audience rather than pulling him aside. If you yell, "Pull your pants up!" or "Stop acting like that!" in the school lobby, the lesson is lost in the humiliation.

• Over-Sharing Telling stories about his hygiene, his fears, or his childhood mistakes to other parents while he (and his peers) are within earshot.

Realizing this can be painful, but it is the first step toward a stronger relationship. It requires shifting your perspective from "I'm the parent, I know best" to "He is a young man, and he deserves dignity."

3 Tips to Respect Your Son and Build Him Strong

Respecting your son doesn't mean letting him run wild or abandoning discipline. It means disciplining and interacting in a way that preserves his dignity. Here are three actionable ways to build him up:

1. The "Praise Publicly, Correct Privately" Rule This is the golden rule of leadership, and it applies perfectly to parenting boys. If he does something great—holds a door open, scores a goal, helps a sibling—feel free to acknowledge it (though keep it cool). But if he messes up, bite your tongue until you are in the car or at home.

By waiting until you are in private to discuss his behavior, you show him that you are on his team. You are protecting his public image while still holding him accountable for his character. This builds immense trust. He learns that he doesn't have to be defensive around you because you aren't going to ambush him.

2. Retiring the Childhood Nicknames in Public Whatever sweet, mushy name you called him when he was a toddler needs to stay inside the four walls of your home. Using pet names in front of his crush or his teammates signals that you don't see his growth.

Switch to using his given name or a more mature nickname. It seems like a small adjustment, but language is powerful. Addressing him like a young man helps him feel like one. It shows you recognize the transition he is making and that you are proud of who he is becoming, not just holding on to who he used to be.

3. Let Him Speak for Himself When another adult asks your son a question, the urge to answer for him can be overwhelming, especially if he is being quiet or awkward. Resist that urge. If the dentist asks how he's been flossing, or a teacher asks about his weekend, let him answer. It will be painfully long and torture for you as the mom, but bite your tongue. When you answer for him, you inadvertently communicate that he is incompetent. When you stay silent and let him stumble through an answer, you communicate confidence. You are saying, "I trust you to handle this." That silent vote of confidence is incredibly empowering for a boy learning to navigate the world.

Raising a strong man requires a mother to step back so he can step forward. By protecting his dignity in public, you aren't just saving him from blushing; you are laying a foundation of mutual respect that will last a lifetime.

4. Have Him Carry His Equipment and Your Stuff, too

One of the earliest lessons I was taught by our tae kwon do grandmaster was to never, ever carry my sons' equipment bag. My youngest started sparring when he was 3 and had this huge bad with his arm and leg pads, helmet, and chest protector. He couldn't lift it and had to drag it which took forever. Grandmaster Choi would not let me help and would make do it himself (big bro wasn't allowed to help him either). Grandmaster Choi told me that every proud warrior carries their own gear and I would thank him in the future. He was right about that and while painful, it certainly built resilience and self-identity.

By choosing respect, privacy, and encouragement over public correction or embarrassment, you empower your son to grow into a confident and resilient young man. These moments of trust and understanding not only strengthen your relationship but also give him the inner strength to navigate challenges, advocate for himself, and form healthy connections. Investing in his dignity now pays lifelong dividends, helping him become the strong, self-assured man you hope to raise.